Okay, I know there are infinite magazines and internet dating websites dedicated to outlining how to maximize your bedroom feng shui and all the little bells and whistles that you just absolutely must have to make the man / woman of your dreams (or of the moment…) melt with unbridled adoration and desire.
Don’t get me wrong, they have good intentions and, often, really good advice. I like candles. I do. My house is positively aglow with totally magazine-approved warm lighting. But, like most things, what you leave out is just as important as what you leave in.
There is a tragic lack of advice in this area, in my opinion. So let’s start small. Time to scrap the unsexy things that are cluttering up your bedroom mojo…and then you can go crazy with the Egyptian cotton and fluffy pillows.
Here are 4 things that you absolutely must promise me that you won’t have in your bedroom:
Pets
I’m sorry, this is happening. I know, little Scooter is your best pal and I would never diminish the importance of a pet’s love. But come on, there is a time and a place and the time for fuzzy friends is not during sexy time and the place is certainly not at the foot of the bed.
Framed pictures of adorable things
Angels, cherubs, anything mythical, anything animal, any babies or kids who aren’t related to you…these things have to go. As with everything on this list, I’m not saying to purge completely. So what if you’re a grown woman with a thing for unicorns? Right on, sister.
But (time for the tough love) that thing for unicorns doesn’t need to be within eyesight of making out. Let’s go ahead and include the bathroom in this too…you wouldn’t want your bedtime friend to run to the bathroom, all happy and thinking you’re the sexiest thing going, see your collection of Precious Moments figurines and suddenly rethink the round two romp you had coming your way. It would be tragic. Put it in a box and move on.
Pictures of ex-lovers
You would think this is a no-brainer. You would be wrong. I’ve seen it happen and it’s never good. Yes, I know all the excuses: they were so important in your life, made you who you are, they’re practically family, like a brother / sister to you now, etc. No lover, no matter how patient and understanding, is going to be unbothered by this. They want to be the picture on your nightstand and if ex is still there, it says there’s no room for them.
And even if you eventually replace the old picture with one of your new mate, they’ll feel like just that, a replacement. I know it’s practically impossible to have a completely clean emotional slate but you can at least have a physical one. Your sexual past has no place in your bedroom present, especially not if you want a healthy path to a romantic future.
Dirty Laundry
It’s typically sound advice to keep your dirty laundry of the emotional kind far away from the beginning, sexy part of any relationship. In the same way that you don’t want to ruin the first few dates by talking about the deep rift between your mom and grandfather or that semester you were mildly anorexic, you’ll gain nothing from muddling those first magical bedroom moments with actual dirty laundry.
With time, they’ll be invested enough to hold your hand while you cry about the death of your childhood dog and they also won’t mind occasionally spying last night’s skivvies on the floor. But for now, keep your abode sexually harmonious by throwing it all safely in the hamper before entertaining guests.
The bottom line is, your bedroom is your space. You should fill it with the things that make you happy and comfortable. But if what makes you happy and comfortable is a companion dans le chambre, you’d be well advised to be aware of the feelings your surroundings will instigate in guests. Good lighting and soft pillows still help, though.