(Really) Sleeping Together: Relationship Foreshadowing Or Magazine Myth?

Something shocking just occurred to me: since I was 10 and stealing my older sister’s Cosmopolitans (the mag, not the drink. I didn’t start drinking until I was at least 11), I’ve been under the impression the way you share a sleeping space with a man says a lot about the state of your relationship.

Seriously, you’ve seen them: loads of articles and quizzes, picking apart your style and configuration of repose to tell you if he’s happy or mad or in love or cheating or disinterested or your soul mate.

Why hasn’t it occurred to me before now to question the validity of this way of thinking? I guess it’s just one of those things that you hear so often, and from such an early age, you don’t realize it might all be glossy magazine fluff. Now, I’m not saying for sure that it is. There might be some points of truth to all this sleeping nonsense.

But come on…if the guy I’m sharing a bed with is keeping me rolling in orgasms and doing a minimal amount of night-farting, I can’t seem to find the practical side of analyzing the angle of his foot in relation to the distance of my knee from his shoulder, or whatever it is I'm supposed to be looking for.

In my experience, there are some slightly more general bed red flags to look out for. With that, and at the risk of being one of those silly articles I just bashed, let’s go over a few sleeping position pointers to worry about…and some to completely ignore.
Good news first

When your life isn’t a cinematic romantic drama, not all of the men you encounter, even the ones who really think you’re the cat’s meow, are going to be hardcore cuddlers. And for that matter, neither will all the women you meet. Some people just can’t fall asleep when their parts and your parts and all up in each other’s way.

So if you start dating someone and you think they’re super mushy in the heart space for you, but after you get down and dirty, they move away to go to sleep, try not to worry too much about it. As long as they are still attentive, interested and affectionate after doing the deed, they probably aren’t repulsed by the idea of snuggling, nor were they just using you for sex: odds are, they just aren’t close sleepers.

Even if your relationship starts with a cozy nocturnal routine and has slowly become less so, it’s possible that the same rules I just mentioned still apply. Some people, in the beginning of seeing someone they dig, do what I call “faking the cuddle”. They pretend to love passing out as the big spoon to your little spoon but as soon as they feel like they’ve got you hooked, they start sleeping how they actually want to.

If this is happening, I say just ask them about it. By this point of being together, you should be able to just casually ask them if anything is up. Be sure to let your sweetie know that if they’re just more comfy disentangled, that’s fine with you.
And the bad news…

It’s the people who do just cuddle only out of comfort who you have to worry about. I would rather someone I’m dating not be snuggled up when he’s mad than to get cozy just out of physical comfort.

How do you know if you’re being used as a body pillow? If your significant other pulls you in close for sleeping but you’ve just had a big unresolved tiff (I don’t recommend going to bed angry, but ya know, it happens), it’s possible that he’s not trying to make it all better. He might just be trying to go to sleep.

You’ll be able to tell the difference if you pay attention to the subtleties of the cuddle…look for little peace offerings like nuzzles, kisses and tender touches. Those are the things of sweet togetherness. Cold physical closeness followed by unconsciousness in your partner could signify that he’s there with you but not really there with you.

Bottom line: pay more attention to things that happen during your waking hours than you do trying to decipher nocturnal behavior. It’s just common sense. And, like with most relationship conundrums, when in doubt, talk about it.

By Jessi_bee