Ah, sex. How can something so simply delightful also be so complicated? It happens all too often that a man who is wonderful in a hundred different ways is not-so-wonderful in one of the ways that counts most. That is, in bed. Unfortunately, you can't screen potential partners for their sexual ability without, well, having sex with them first (unless you want to advertise your preference on your internet dating profile, which might give men the wrong idea...). And between meeting somebody and doing the deed, it's perfectly possible to, well, fall in love. Or at least in "like."
If you have serious feeling for a man, bad sex doesn't have to be a deal breaker. After all, men who are bad in bed can generally learn to be quite good. It simply takes time, honesty... and talking about it the right way.
Want to tell your man he's not everything you could hope for in the sack? Here's how.
Move Forward with Caution. If you ask almost any man, he will tell you that, yes, of course he's good in bed. If he's never received feedback to the contrary, a man probably doesn't know when he's not. So telling a man that he isn't great in bed hits him where it hurts most: his ego. Being judged as less than stellar in bed takes a real shot at a guy's manhood. And when that's hurt, it's all too possible for things to get ugly.
So you'll want to be cautious about telling your man that he's not great in bed. If you correct him too much during the act (or, worse, tell him it isn't going well), you may as well kiss sex goodbye for the evening. Or worse, your relationship. Before saying anything about his performance, plan what you're going to say, and when.
Don't Place Blame. So you've decided to let your man know that things could be improved in the bedroom. Now you have to actually do it. The most important thing to keep in mind when bringing up this delicate subject is not to place blame. The fact that he's not great in bed isn't necessarily his fault-- men can't read minds, and so need a little helping hand (sometimes literally) occasionally. The moment you start to imply that his failure is his fault, the conversation will probably be over.
Use Positive Reinforcement. Men wear their egos on their sleeves. The best way to get better sex with your man is to talk about things in a positive way. When your man does something you like, be sure to compliment him on it. The more positive reinforcement you give him, the more suggestions you'll be able to slip in along with it. Start your suggestions off with a compliment ("It feels great when you...") and end with your suggestion ("...and I would also love for you to...").
Talk in Terms of Yourself. If you try to sit down and have a serious chat about your sex life, it's key to keep the conversation focused on you, not him. Talk about sex in terms of what you like or feel or think or want-- not what he's doing wrong. Talk about you, not him. That way, he won't feel like he's being disparaged or attacked.
Don't Give Up. It's normal to be shy about talking about sex. But you've got to put that shyness away and communicate with your partner-- it's the only way to get what you want. Men can't read minds, and it's not fair to expect them to be perfect in bed if you're unwilling to show them or tell them what you want. So even if things aren't perfect the first time you're in bed together, don't give up. You never know how great things could be if you give your man a chance to improve.