Sex is a hugely important part of any romantic relationship. Having sex creates intimacy between a couple, and it bonds two people together. And it's a heck of a lot of fun, too. But one of the biggest questions most people (and especially most women) have when they start dating or internet dating is: when is the right time for sex?
The truth is, the answer to that question is going to vary widely from person to person and from situation to situation. Which is why some people make the decision early on in the internet dating process to simplify the whole sex thing: they decide on abstinence. In this context, abstinence simply refers a temporary celibacy-- it has nothing to do with making a permanent decision.
Most of us go through periods of abstinence in our adult lives. There are just times when sex is scarce, or we're in a difficult emotional situation, or the opportunity to have sex doesn't arise. But it's also possible --and more common than you might think-- to make a choice to be abstinent during most of the dating process. And people do it for a variety of reasons:
Advantages of Abstinence
A clearer perspective.
One reason a lot of daters choose to be abstinent (at least during the beginning of a relationship) is because it gives them a clearer perspective on the people they're with. When sex isn't involved, it becomes easier to look at the people you meet on internet dating sites for what you truly think and feel about them. You set the physical aside (to a point) and only focus on who that person is. When sex doesn't confuse the issue, it's a lot easier to see if somebody you're talking to is actually somebody you want mentally and emotionally.
Better sex.
There's a good reason why there's a song about it: anticipation is one of the best things about any exciting event. The same is true of sex. The longer you wait, the better that moment is going to be. In some cases, short-term abstinence can actually be sexy.
Less date stress.
Sex is a stressful part of dating and internet dating for both women and men. Women stress about the right time to sleep with somebody they're dating. Will doing it too soon turn him off? Or will waiting too long make him lose interest? And for men, the hunt for and focus on sex makes can be stressful, as well. When will you get sex? Are you trying too hard and turning her off? Does she think sex is all you care about? Taking sex out of the equation also takes some of the stress out. At least for a little while.
Fewer health worries.
The longer you wait to have sex with a partner, the fewer sexual partners you'll have. Which means the less you'll have to worry about STDs and unwanted pregnancies... as long as you're safe when you do do it, of course!
Disadvantages of Abstinence
No sex.
Well, duh, right? The main disadvantage of not having sex is the fact that you don't get to have any sex. One of the best parts about dating is getting to have sex with new people, getting to explore your sexuality. And just getting to have fun. Without sex, the process is a little... drier. Both literally and figuratively.
An unclear view of sexual relationships.
One side effect of abstaining from sex is developing an unhealthy fixation on sex itself. When you haven't had sex in a long time, it's all too easy to think that the first person you have sex with again is some kind of God. You're so excited to be having sex again that it's easy to lose track of that fact that, in reality, this person might not be right for you.
A lack of information.
Focusing on a person and learning what you want in a partner is important, of course. But being physically attracted to that person is important, too. When you wait too long to have sex with somebody, you may be missing out on information that would help you make a decision about wanting a relationship with him or her: namely, how he or she feels in bed. When you abstain, you risk taking a relationship further than you might if you'd known how things would turn out between the sheets.
No matter what you decide about having sex with the people your meet on internet dating sites, there are going to be things you're giving up on. The key is to strike a balance between what feels right for you and what makes the most sense for establishing a relationship. For some, temporary abstinence is something that might be interesting and productive. For others, it's exactly the opposite. The only person who can answer that is you.