In the world of internet dating, there is ample opportunity for people to be less than forthcoming. People lie about their age, career, even their marital status. With all the getting to the bottom of things we have to do just to find out the straight facts about a potential date, it’s nice to know that there are those of you out there who still value openness and honesty with a significant other. Because I’m sure you do exist. At least, I’m hoping.
The truth game gets even trickier once you become a solid couple; some people expect their beau or belle to share everything. Those are the "we-are-one-what’s-mine-is-yours" types. While this is totally sweet and idealistic in theory, the reality isn’t such rainbows and sunshine.
Down here on Earth, the majority of relationships end, and some of them end in a not-so-friendly fashion. Couples who once felt completely at ease letting their other have all access to every part of their lives are now trying to figure out how to close themselves back off. It can be harder than you think.
With that in mind, there are a few things that you should probably just never tell someone you’re dating. Consider this the Honest Dater’s Guide to Smart Discretion.
The “Codes”
I know my boyfriend’s email and Facebook passwords. He knows I know. He does not know mine, nor will he. Not that he’s particularly asked (surprisingly good at boundaries, that one is), but you’d think with my knowing his, that reciprocation is only fair, right?
Nope. I’m against it. I wouldn’t care if I didn’t know his all access secrets myself. Same goes for ATM codes. It can seem all sweet and intimate when you’re as cozy together as little lambs but what about when things go baaaaaaa-d? (sheep joke. Sorry.)
Sharing these details about yourself doesn’t make you a more open partner. It doesn’t really bring you closer together. These kinds of things are super impersonal in the way that they don’t further the other person’s understanding of who you are, while at the same time being incredibly personal in that they are the ways to access things that affect your everyday life.
Letting someone else have entry to your communications and money? I’m not even sure I’ll be ready to be that “close” to someone once I’m married to them. Changing passwords and PIN numbers upon breakup is a huge pain in the ass.
The “Number”
You know what number I’m talking about. Why, why is it that there is that dreaded point in every relationship when the person you’re so smitten with, who seems so different and lacking all of the usual neurotic downfalls, asks that questions: “how many people have you slept with?” And then they’ll probably laugh a little and say that it doesn’t really matter to them…they’re just curious. Yeah, right. I’ve both said that (I admit it) and heard it. And I’ve shared the information…I’ve also chosen to withhold it.
Whether or not you choose to tell your mate you magic number is, obviously, up to you. But I think that opening the vast majority of your brain, heart and history to someone you seriously care about is the best, and maybe only, way to really let them know you. And you should let someone really know you, at least sometimes. But screw it…it’s fun to have a few bits of information that are between you, your diary and perhaps your best friend.
By Jessi_bee