There are lots of ways out there to spice up your sex life. From fantasies to toys to costumes, as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, there's no reason not to try. And there's nothing out there that will spice up your sex life quite like a fantasy made real: the threesome.
While the idea of a threesome may sound more than a little attractive to some couples (or at least with one member of that couple!), entering into these fun little trysts is a lot more emotionally dangerous than playing with toys or watching dirty videos together. This is a door that generally can't be closed once it's been opened; and some couples find they don't like what's on the other side of it. People who think they have no jealousy in them or who think they're very open sexually can find, after a threesome, they didn't know themselves quite as well as they thought.
That said, for some couples a threesome can be the perfect way to add excitement to a relationship. For the right couple taking the right steps, a threesome can be a really positive experience for everybody involved. It can give you a chance to be with somebody without actually cheating; it can let you into a hidden, taboo sexual world; and it satisfies a voyeuristic urge that many people have hidden away. Letting a third person into the bedroom creates a completely different dynamic... one that can be very exciting for everyone taking part.
That is, if you do it right. Just because you fantasize about a threesome doesn't necessarily mean you should have one. Not all couples are made of the right stuff to last through this sort of experience. Think you have what it takes? Then read on to learn a bit more about how to set up a threesome so it'll do as little damage to your relationship as possible.
Discuss Your Expectations and Limitations.
Going from talking about your threesome fantasy to actually making it a reality should be a long process. During this process, it's very, very important to talk out your expectations for the experience, as well as your limitations. Know that you'll explode with jealousy if you see another person touch your partner sexually? Then you need to talk about what kind of person you can bring into the bedroom, and what you expect to do with him or her. Will there be full sex, or just erotic play? Will you be with a man or a woman? Who will have access to what parts of "the third's" body?
Lay down the Ground Rules.
As a couple, you're bound to have things that you don't want to see happen. And the truth is, if both of you aren't 100% comfortable with the idea, you shouldn't do it. So be sure you're both comfortable with how the event will play out. Plan to bring another woman into the bedroom and know that you can't see another woman touch your man? Then the only way it will work is if you touch her and she touches you... but he touches only you (a compromise he'll probably be more than happy with). Love the idea of seeing your girl with another man, but afraid of the idea of homosexuality? Then lay down the ground rules for who gets to touch whom-- and who shouldn't touch you.
Fulfilling this fantasy is going to be exciting no matter how much you talk about it ahead of time. So laying down ground rules does nothing but make it easier to get out of it with your relationship --and your emotions-- intact.
Discuss Your Options.
No matter how much you talk about your threesome and no matter how much you plan, there's no way to ensure that it will go off without a hitch. You may think you're open, but decide during the act itself that the experience just isn't for you. You need to discuss this possibility ahead of time, and make an agreement to bring to event to a close if one person becomes uncomfortable. It's a good idea to assign a safe word to use if anybody gets truly uncomfortable and wants to bring things to a halt.
Wait for the Right Person.
So, you decide to have a threesome and you set down a whole bunch of rules to help it go according to plan. Now you need the third party! While you might be excited to give this sexual experience a try, it's very important to take your time and choose that third person with care. There are two schools of thought when it comes to the best kind of person to let into the bedroom. Some people believe that a stranger is best, and that you should "shop" for the right person on internet dating sites and the like. Others believe that the best candidates are people you know and trust, but who aren't too close to either of you emotionally.
Discuss things with Your "Number Three."
Whether you go for your neighbor or for the hot blonde you came across on an internet dating site really depends on what's right for you and your partner. But no matter who you choose or how you choose them, make sure to discuss all your ground rules with your third party, and assure that he or she understands what can and cannot happen in the bedroom.
By Karenlyn on Jun 12, 2009 - Published in Sex